Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
