based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
