I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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