oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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