My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
