I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
