I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As shirtless as possible
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
