Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
