I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
