are you still at the devil's house?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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