I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
