The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize