I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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