OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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