i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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