Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
