made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
