Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
