I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
