my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
