There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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