just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
