He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
