If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
