he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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