Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
