who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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