wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woke up backwards on a recliner
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
