Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
