he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
3 2 1 whiskey
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
