Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm at about main and main street
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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