If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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