I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
