Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
