there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
3pm strippers are depressing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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