i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
