Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
