everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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