You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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