So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please, let me fuck your mom
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm getting married
To pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
