the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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