my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize