so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
