this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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