Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
