Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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