THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i think i just lost a toe
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
