So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
