ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
