if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
