i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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