Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
