I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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