you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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