u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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