i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
