I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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