Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize