i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
