Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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