Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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