I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Welp...herpes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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