the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
