I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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