last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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