I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
