sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize