My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
