So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
