where does the pee come out of this thing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
