grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You need a sexual gate keeper
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
