I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
