I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
