I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
