And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dicks are not precious.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
