I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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