I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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