And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
