i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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