The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
