i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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