i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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