umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
