I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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