Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
