dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize