I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
