i think my mom watched the whole time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
