I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
