so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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