now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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