In America we eat man semen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
