just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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