apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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