somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
