My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
