there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
