tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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