Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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