I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
